Some say I'm going off the deep-end

In my theology

In my religion

In my ideas of church and Christianity.

In my questions about meaning.

Just recently this term has taken on a totally different meaning to me. Typically it means you're loosing it.....your heading the wrong way.... And it's said with a tone of sorrow or contempt or judgement. But of the ones saying that - where are they? Metaphorically?..... They aren't in the deep-end. They are in the shallow-end or further still on dry land. 

Let's explore this metaphor a little.

Let's start with dry land. Dry land is considered the most safe. Confidence and certainty rest here.  Land is a horizontal plane existence and most are completely happy with their dry land-ness. Everything is understood in relationship to the ground. Up is away in the air... Unattainable. Down is under and dangerous and therefore should be avoided. Dry land is safe. Dry land is knowable. Dry land is rather absolute. Dry land is where most people live..... most religions dwell.... most faith is. Dry landers knowingly look out at the deep-end believing, with certainty only dry-landers have, that it's unsafe and uncertain and wrong to be there. No one should ever venture there. Dry land is the right place to be. 

Then there's the shallow-end. This is once step beyond dry land. I'm in the water but dry land is safely near.  I can swim if I want; but when I'm afraid and uncertain I can just stand up and walk around. The sand feels good in between my toes and the waves are fun but my experiences are essentially the same as on dry land; horizontal plane existence. The only difference is that I'm now acutely aware that when I stick my face under water and look out, away from the land  towards the  endless horizon,  all I see is distant darkness.... Uncertainty..... The place of the unknown.... Perhaps never fully knowable.... I can actually see The Deep. And fear creeps in. I fight  a desire to run to land. (Funny how the unknown produces a fear which keeps us firmly entrenched on dry land.) In the shallow-end its decided that people who swim out "there" are crazy. It's unsafe. It's unnatural. People have no business being out "there". So I scoff and judge and cringe whenever I see someone go out "there". I write them off and shake my head. Going "there" is just wrong. The shallow-end is where many venture. The shallows appear deep in contrast to land.... But it's really just the land with a little water on it. The religious dwell here. Philosophers and artists dwell here. But for many,  fear of the deep-end entices them landward.... Toward safety and comfort of the known. 

Then there is the deep-end. For the ones on dry land and in the shallow-end  The Deep is filled with negativity. "Good people don't go there" they say. They tell each other that people who have "lost their way" have "jumped off the deep-end" .....People who are obviously "out of it". Yet none of them truly know what is in the deep-end. Only those who decided to venture out can know. For those brave few its like nothing they've ever experienced on land or in the shallow-end. Suddenly there is a multi dimensional plane of living. "Up"  can be the surface of the water, the sky, or still 20 feet underwater. "Down" can seem endless. Sometimes the two are confused. Everything looks different- the Sun even shines differently ....sparkling crystals rays of azure light under the water. There are colours and animals and beings and mountains and plants and monsters and meaning and ideas and questions...... things only myth on land and heard tell of in the shallow-end.... things which you now see and touch and know. But here's the thing: when you surrender yourself to the deep-end you give up all you know..... All your certainty.... All your worldview. You give up all your safety. You give up all your single-plane existence...... And for what? In The Deep there is so much more of everything. So much more heart ache. So much more joy. So much more to know and experience.  So much more that is unknown. So much more that is unknowable. In The Deep we begin to understand we are one small part of something so much bigger.

 Sometimes it's the adventurous or spiritualists or introspectives that willingly swim out here. Sometimes life has catapulted people unwillingly into The Deep. For whatever reason people find themselves here they all realize they can never return to single plane-ness. And they all have unending questions:

What if the deep-end is the deepest way of knowing God? What if, in the deep-end, we gain a fuller understanding of life? Of our existence? Of our humanity? Of our connection to the Divine? Of meaning? What if in The Deep we finally start to get it? What if the deep-end isn't about being lost at all....but about being found and finding? What if in The Deep we finally start to live?  Because each new beautiful discovery in The Deep fills us with dread and awe and opens our eyes to a fuller existence, it beckons us to swim deeper. Into further uncertainty? More Questions? Deeper Meaning? 

Why wouldn't we want to jump off the deep-end if there everything is more? Why do the ones who use the deep-end-metaphor do so with such negativity ..... and from the shallows of dry land? Is it because once they experience the deep-end they know that they won't want to and therefore can't go back? Or is it because they are afraid to leave the known, the comfortable, the single plane-ness, for something that can only be explained and understood by emerged immersion?

For my part a fuller existence and deeper meaning cannot be judged to be wrong. I'll try not to be angry at the judgement of those tip toeing in the shallows or huddled around the shore line. I see now that they just can't possibly know. It's sad really. But until they come to the deep-end they will always regard it with fear and chastisement. The unknown produces such a paradoxical set of emotions in humans; fear and wonder. Fear keeps us shallow at best. Wonder invites us deeper. Do what you want....... For me..... I'm gonna go exploring!